What does it mean to live life to the fullest? This is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately. Often we think of living life to the fullest means being able to buy whatever and whenever we want. What if living life to fullest means giving up some of those possessions to help sponsor a child in another country. What if it means giving up a week of vacation to go on a mission trip.
I will admit I am skeptical of some of these programs. Ryan and Allison are over in Kenya on a mission trip with Compassion International, and after reading his blog posts with his honest look at the company and the impact they are making in kids lives, I am sold on wanting to sponsor a child.
So follow Ryan @ thisisreverb for a honest and touching look at their time spent in Kenya. My friend Kelly (who by the way is an awesome photographer, check her stuff out @ daphnephotostudio.com) posted a similar post earlier about these same feelings. Read her post titled, feeling guilty for having a good life. A lot of the same emotions she is feeling is also what I am feeling at this point in my life.
I am blessed to have great friends and I love it when I can relate to my friends because of the emotions they feel about a certain topic. I know this is what life is about… living life with each other and sharing awesome experiences with each other.
Its Sunday night and I am preparing to go to Honduras with Vineyard Westside and something happened that I was not expecting. It was a God thing probably and I am not so sure what it meant. I was preparing my passport papers and I came across the line where I had to fill in information about my parents. When I got to the line that asked about my Dad I filled in the information and continued with the rest of the document. I began to think of my Dad and pulled a file labeled Dad (yes everything about my Dad resides in a file). If you don’t know my Father passed away in September of 2003. I stumbled across this note written to me in 1994…
Then it happened…the flood gates opened up. I lost it. I cried and I cried some more. I bawled like a baby. I miss my Dad. I am angry that you are not here to share life with me. I am angry that you will not see me graduate from college (I will be the first Hughes male to do so). I am angry that will you not see me get married and be a grandpa to my kids. I am angry I can’t play golf with you anymore. I am angry at myself for not playing golf with you as much as I could when you were here. I know its not your fault but I am still angry. I thought I had these things called emotions under control. I am writing this through the tears.
Then it dawned on me… I am not in control, God is. God knows my emotions and he knew I needed to cry for whatever reason. God is teaching and loving me a lot lately. Not that His love was not always there, its that my heart was not open to receive it.
Despite all these angry feelings I am happy that my Dad is with God and Jesus. I hope he is giving Jesus a run for his money in a round of golf (I don’t even know if there are golf courses in heaven, but if there is my Dad is playing). I know this is probably not biblical but I don’t care.
I am happy God is urging me to go on a Honduras trip at the end of April. I am scared and excited all at once. I am trusting God to help me raise the money and keep us all safe.
I am happy I am part of a Church with genuine people who want to live life to the fullest. I am happy I will get to know more of them on this trip to Honduras.
Wow… I just gave all the people who read this blog a glimpse into my life that I am not comfortable sharing. This was not a post to gain pity from anyone. I have kept my feelings bottled up inside for a long time and I needed to confess them.
I leave you with this journal entry I wrote shortly after my Dad had passed:
The phone call still rings in my ears. It probably always will. Before we left the hospital they said, “no news is good news”. Then the call came around 5:00 in the morning. I knew before I even picked it up that my dad was not going to make it. I don’t know how I stayed strong. Between my mom’s cries and words I could not understand because she was so shaken by the news. The streets were lonely much like my life was going to be without my dad. I felt like I was in a dream world. The lonely empty streets beckoning me to go farther to hear news I did not want to hear.
We arrived at the hospital that was also empty besides the people working on my dad. We walked down the hallway and I heard them working on my dad. The machines were going crazy and the nurses were running back and forth. The surgeon at this point was pumping my dad’s heart with his hand. I had to pull my mom back from seeing my dad. This day I will never forget. It will be etched in memory as one of the worst days I had to experience.
Amongst all of this I wonder how I stayed so strong. Of course I cried and shed my fare amount of tears. But I had to ask my self am I normal cause I don’t feel anything about what happened? I did not cry all day at the funeral home. I guess I was at a peace. A peace only God can bring. I knew my dad was alive today as he’s ever been. He is where we all as Christians wish to be. His life on earth has ended but his life continues on in a much better place. This is my desire to be where he is. Not only to see my dad again but to be with God and Jesus.
These are the 10 things I would like to accomplish in 2010. I put some thought into this list on goals that are actually attainable so hopefully I will make good on my promise to myself.
1. Reach my target weight of 180 and switch to an all organic eating lifestyle. I wasn’t sold on this until I watched this documentary –> Food Inc.
This is a short excerpt from the movie. I recommend renting this it might change the way you eat forever.
2. Go Green!
Living a better life is not just what we eat but how we live and treat the environment we live in. Here are some of the projects taken from this article that I would like to pursue this year.
Build a clothes line. The dryer is one of the most energy guzzling appliances we use, so I plan to air out my laundry staring in the spring/summer.
Insulate hot-water pipes/hot-water heater.
Install a programmable thermostat – I can check this one off the list!
Build a small garden
Build a compost pile/worm bin- Worms eat your garbage… and leave you with rich healthy soil.
Make a rain barrel collection system like the one below.
If your not into diy projects check out the many rain barrels collection systems at rain-barrel.com. That should keep me busy for awhile… and even if I complete one of these it is still a step in the right direction.
3. Spend more time with God. I fail miserably at this. Its amazing when I devote time to God how everything else falls into place, yet I don’t seem to devote time to God knowing that it will make my life easier (sometimes).
4. Complete at least 3 computer certifications. I want to start with my CompTIA A+, CompTIA Networking, and finish with CompTIA Security.
What is A+ Certification?
The A+ certification is vendor-neutral and consists of two exams. To pass, you must demonstrate knowledge of installing, configuring, upgrading, troubleshooting and repairing desktop systems. Updated in 2006 is the ability to choose the second exam from a list of three specialist exams that highlight one of the following roles: IT Technician, Depot Technician, or Help Desk Technician.
5. Take steps to become debt free. It is not possible for me to become debt free in 2010 but I want to take steps in doing so.
refrain from using credit cards. I can’t tell you how many times I have fallen into this bad habit. I am ashamed actually of how debt I have accrued because of the ease of obtaining a credit card.
give money to the church. I have always struggled in this area. I want to give but to be honest I am selfish, which leads to number six.
6. Be less selfish and become more involved with church. One reason I have a difficult time giving money (besides the selfish thing) to church is I don’t attend enough. If I become involved it would be easier for me to give.
7. Be more open-minded about making new friends, life, love, women, God and church.
8. Read more books.
9. Buy a kegerator and drink lots of beer from it.10. Spend less time wasting time. Facebook your a big time waster and I hate you but I find myself spending countless hours reading other people’s status updates that I don’t care about.
I struggle with money… not making it but giving it away. I would like to be able to give to the church. But its hard for me. I have a hard time dropping 10% in my 401k every week. I want to give to the church, Its been on my heart for awhile. It is hard for me to give up that control to give to anything. I just need to let God take it off my heart.
I was up at 4 am this morning… I have a hard time sleeping. I was doing some blog rounds when I came across this post on thisisreverb titled 50,000 pairs in 50 days
So without thinking I donated. If I would have thought about it I would not have done it. I am not saying don’t research who you donate to. I have heard of them before so I knew about them already. The company is called soles 4 souls.
